Outsider
by Dinogrrl
Summary: When Clow decided to challenge the gods themselves, the results were powerful cards and Guardians. One Guardian in particular became the center of the power struggle between Clow and the gods. This is his story. Rated PG-13 for violence and romance later.
1. Birth

_Obligatory Author's Note_

_     This is a small section/introduction of my Big Huge Weird CCS fanfic. The basic background is: there is a world, a sort of parallel universe, of magic, that partially overlaps our world. This world is inhabited by magical animals, as well as 'spirits,' typically human-like beings similar to Yue._

_     The spirit world is wild, untamed natural land, with the exception of the Palace, a large building complex where the spirits live when they are in the spirit world. Far to the southwest of the Palace is a dead, rocky land where Darkness dwells._

_     To travel between their world and ours, the spirits use water-gates—these gates exist wherever there is water. Passage between the world can also be achieved by going through the fera-world, the universe between ours and the spirits'. This universe is an expanse of nothingness, and is inhabited by the fearsome ferae-umbrarum. These begins exist as a hive mind, and attack all who cannot outrun them. Those who have been attacked by the ferae did not survive…_

_     That's all for now :}._

     Birth, for a spirit, is little more than the knowledge that you have come into being…or so I've been told. In their world I am an outsider, the only one to experience the pain of being forced into existence; that is, of course, with the exception of a certain sun-spirit, who is better remained unmentioned. But even he did not experience the isolation I did. He knows what being a spirit means. I do not. I never will completely understand, no matter how long I live. I am a spirit, but then again, I am not. I am the creation of a wizard arrogant, and powerful, enough to challenge the spirits…he is hated for that even still. Yet he was my closest friend, and I loved him dearly…even though it cost me something that could never be retrieved…even though it scarred me so deeply I put a wall around my heart, never again to let myself love or be loved.

     For the others, coming into being is a smooth transition. So smooth that many of them never realized they were alive for hundreds of years. It was not so easy for me. The first thing I felt when I came into the world was pain. Pain so blindingly bright that I could do nothing but lay there for the longest time, listening to the deafening noise around me. Bright light pierced my sight; I tried to close my eyes, but that did little to change the brightness. My joints ached, my head spun, for the first and probably only time in my life, I felt nauseous. Then, pain like two knives burying themselves in my shoulders caused me to arch my back violently; I do not remember crying out but I have no doubt that I did. The knives sliced down my shoulders, through newly-formed muscle and tendon and bone, burning like a fire from hell. The pain then suddenly shot out from my shoulders; I could feel the light and noise and pain forming into something new. I did not understand what was happening. But I did feel the tears of pain that ran down my cheeks.

     Slowly the pain faded away. The air became dim, cool, and quiet. I felt my aching body slowly sink to the ground, landing softly in cool, damp grass; the moon shone comfortingly above me, and all I felt then as I looked up at it was an aching in my heart, a longing to go back to the moon. I started to reach for it, to pull it closer, but I collapsed in exhaustion and soon fell into a deep darkness that covered me completely.

     I woke only when I sensed someone standing over me. Slowly I lifted my head, turning my stiff body so I could see him. He was a rather imposing sight, standing there in the moonlight, which glinted coldly off his glasses. All I could see was that he had long black hair, which fell gently on the shoulders of his black robe. We looked at each other for a long time… I tried to hold myself steady as the repercussions of my creation made my body shake and my vision blur…

     "You are Yue." His voice was calm and rich… I slipped further into my delirium….

     Some how I answered, "Yes." How did I know that? I was Yue...the moon…the moon… I looked up at the sky again. I wanted to go back…to the warmth of the moon…

     I did not remember anything after that.

     I felt sick...dizzy...my joints were stiff with pain... I felt soft clothes covering my body, and I slowly forced myself to open my eyes... I was in the black-cloaked man's house, that I was sure… I did not know what my life would have in store for me in the next few years…


	2. Meetings

     I did not like being bound to the cards. They restricted my powers too much. The only reason I did not try to break free of them was Clow Read. He was...my only friend, a father almost...he was my creator. I could not turn back on him…even when he forced himself upon me…

     Which he had done again tonight. I curled up on the floor of the room, pulling my clothes around me, trembling in fear…and what else I knew not. A few beads of sweat, the sweat of fear, ran down my neck and shoulders. I hurt. There was no other way to put it…but he was my master… I wrapped myself in my wings, feeling myself tremble…I did not bother to even think about getting dressed for a long time.

     When I finally calmed myself to a reasonable state of mind, I quietly dressed and walked outside, into the garden that Clow enjoyed so much. I did not hate the wizard…but I feared him. I shuddered; my heart still raced painfully. I just stood there in the garden for a long time.

     Eventually I started walking. Just through the garden, not anywhere else. My loyalty to my master kept me from leaving. As I passed under a latticed arch hung with flowers, I only had a moment to register a strangely powerful magic overhead before…

     He dropped down from the arch, hanging upside down in midair. "Hi!" he proclaimed.

     I jumped back slightly, my sight veiled in brilliant blue, one hand held out, ready to call upon the moon-crystals.

     But he just hung there, smiling, almost laughing.

     Then I realized how much we were alike.

     He was radiating a very powerful magic…one I had felt before…what was it?… Dash-magic. And he wasn't hanging, he was hovering. Flying. Upside down. My decision to attack faltered.

     Then he got a look of concern on his young face. The pattern of his wingbeats changed, and he tilted at an angle. He frowned and tried again, this time slowly spinning around so that his back was to me. Once more he shifted his wings to another angle, and he tilted…tilted more…and fell to the ground.

     I stood there, confused, as he picked himself off the ground. He mumbled to himself angrily as he wiped the grass and dirt off. His long, tapered wings folded and refolded against his back, their bluish feathers a striking contrast to his short brown hair. Finally he finished cleaning himself off and looked at me. I looked back.

     We were alike.

     He was shorter then myself by a few inches, with a lithe, light-boned body that suggested someone who spent much time flying. He wore only soft, loose-fitting pants that were cinched at his waist with a simple cord. The color of his skin and the shape of his face indicated someone who was not native to China. He considered me for a few more minutes before passing his judgment.

     "Hmmm. I didn't realize two moon-spirits could be so different." He spoke a language I had never heard before, but I understood it…not with my mind…but with something more primitive, more basic than I could name.

     Then, his words struck me. I didn't know what to think. Moon-spirits? He had said it in reference to me; did that mean I was a moon-spirit? And there was another like me?

     He sighed. "Not much of a talker, are you?"

     "It was not something that needed answering."

     He smiled. "Oh, you can talk! That's better."

     "Of course I can talk…"

     "I'm Paynal."

     I looked at him.

     "Speed-spirit." At that, his wings set into motion. They moved so quickly that they produced a low buzzing sound; Paynal hovered a few inches off of the ground. I thought about that. I never needed to worry about using my wings when /I/ was hovering…

     Paynal was also thinking; he got a disgusted look on his face as he remembered something, and he said something quite nasty-sounding in a language I couldn't understand. He snorted, shook his head, and looked back up at me. He still hovered. "You're Yue."

     "How are you so certain of that?"

     He smiled. "I know what moon magic feels like. Any spirit who doesn't…well…" He shrugged.

     I heard someone walk up behind me. It was Clow, and as he came up beside me, I could feel him tense. Paynal also tensed; neither was glad to see the other.

     "Why are you here?" Clow asked. I had never heard him sound so angry.

     "Told to," was Paynal's simple reply, in a slightly accented Chinese.

     "I thought they said they wouldn't come here until…"

     "I wouldn't question their choice to speed things up."

     Clow sneered at Paynal. "And I should believe you, of all spirits?"

     Paynal's pupils slid into a thin cat-like shape. Like my own… I noticed the outer edge of his irises begin to glow. "They want him up there."

     "Why didn't they come themselves?"

     "Too much of a culture shock, I suppose," Paynal snarled.

     He and Clow glared at each other for a while. "You tell them that if they dare come to take him, I'll blast a hole through this world to theirs."

     Paynal looked ready to say something, but he clamped his mouth shut. He shot one last glare at Clow before turning and flying away so quickly that I blinked and missed his exit.

     I looked to my master. "What was he talking about?"

     Clow could not bring himself to look directly at me. "It is a private matter…between me and him." He turned and walked away.


	3. Contemplation

     Life went by me like a slow fog. My days were spent doing Clow's biddings, and little more. Often, when my master was asleep, I walked alone in the garden, hoping…praying… But I never saw Paynal again.

     I didn't know why I wanted to see him so badly. There were so many questions he had brought up in my mind—if there was another…'moon-spirit'…what was he, or she, like?

     How did the other spirits come into being?

     That question bothered me the most. Paynal had seemed to know who he was, where he fit in the world. There was a certain ancient quality to him that defied his youthful face. He carried himself with confidence, knowing that no one could stop his own free will.

     Was that what attracted me to him?

     He had come into my life so suddenly, with the unspoken promise of a life free of dependence on one to control you.

     That thought scared me to my very core. I had been created to be controlled…or had I? If I existed only to be controlled, why didn't Clow control this anxiety, this desire for Paynal's freedom within me?

     I spent as much time as I could in the garden now…still hoping…

     I turned my face to the moon, and felt myself relax in its calm magic. I spread my wings slightly, trying to soak up as much of the magic as possible. Then, with a sigh, I looked down to the flower bush in front of me. Roses. Clow loved the roses in his garden. I had seen him on many occasions spend hours by his roses, cradling each individual bloom in his hand, reveling in their softness, their scent…

     Yes he loved those roses…in this garden, his garden, which he had meticulously cultivated himself.

     The garden had been made by him… Did Clow just love things he created? _Why_?

     In a fit of anger, or jealousy, or frustration, I arched back one arm, feeling the moon-crystals materialize in my hand. Then I slung them at the rose bush with all my strength.

     Damn you, Clow.

     The bush exploded in a flurry of dark leaves and glowing crystal shards.

     Damn you to hell.

     No…I'm sorry…no…Clow…

     I sank to the ground, ashamed, and wrapped myself in my wings. Hot tears tracked down my cheeks.

     Why did Paynal have to shatter my perfect world?


	4. Arrival

     I preferred to forget about the night I destroyed the rose bush. Keroberos had found me, and had done his best to comfort me. It was so difficult to be comforted by the giant cat though…Clow did not care for him, and certainly not the way he cared for me. The only reason Keroberos had even been created was to balance the shift in magic cause by my creation. Keroberos was free to come and go as he wished; more often than not, he chose to go. I had very few memories of him.

     It was the day after Keroberos had left again that I felt a familiar presence outside. _It can't be…_ I almost ran out of Clow's house in anticipation.

     There, far out on the front walkway, was Paynal.

     I felt my wings tremble in my glee.

     I almost went to greet him…but something stopped me. Paynal did not look pleased. In fact, he looked almost pained to be on Earth. His shoulders were hunched slightly, in the same way I did when my wings hurt from too much flying. His hair and feathers were roughed-up, his pupils were in thin slits.

     "Paynal?…"

     "Stay back," he warned.

     I felt a strange shift of magic to my left, by the garden pond. _Someone's coming_. I felt my wing-feathers prickle.

     I heard a rush of footsteps behind me. Paynal glanced up at the intruder, and his wings opened part-way, a position for rapid take-off.

     Clow paused at my side. He looked around, eyes narrowed, the look he got when he was searching for something. He snorted quietly and held out his hand at full arm's length, palm outward towards Paynal, fingers splayed. There was a powerful rush of magic to his hand, as if it was being sucked into a vacuum. I felt my ears pop. Paynal got a look of surprise and terror on his face, and then I realized what Clow was doing.

     _They've come._

     Whoever they were.

     Clow, true to his word, was going to blast a hole through this world to theirs, wherever that was…and he was going to take Paynal out at the same time.

     Before I could even think, I found myself lunging for Paynal, trying to pull him down to the ground, out of harm's way. Clow had already released the magic; I could feel it coming at us. I got Paynal down safely. But not myself. I caught it mostly on my wings, but I could feel it throughout my whole body. I was thrown, I know not how far, but I finally felt myself slide across the dusty path. I blinked a few times, but blackness covered my vision. It was as if the unparalleled pain of my birth was being relived. My wings…I could not feel them…

     Above me…something was wrong…the flow of magic had changed…there was a hole in the magic…

     My vision cleared enough for me to see a single black form, amorphous but deathly terrifying, jump out of the hole. It landed a few feet in front of me; I could hear it hit the ground, could see the clouds of dust it raised, but I could not see any definite shape.

     My vision blurred. I could see the darkness of the strange being before me, then a brilliant flash of purple light by the garden pond, followed by a wave of moon magic so powerful it made my head hurt. There were flashes of golden light from the pond as well, and teal from the pathway. More of the black beings came into view, and more flashes of purple, this time from behind me.

     Then I could hear again, the rush of magic dying down.

     "You fool!" someone snarled in Chinese. "Are you stupid enough to think you can control the ferae too?"

     "Eventually, yes." My master's voice.

     "There is no eventually with the ferae."

     There was a yelp from Paynal, who was behind me. Whoever had been speaking to Clow moved to help Paynal.

     A new voice, from behind me. "Damn you, we should have stopped you when we first met."

     "Indeed." Clow again. His voice was flat and cold…I had never heard anything so chilling in my life.

     I finally gathered enough strength to push myself up on one elbow, but immediately collapsed from the pain. My wings…

     "Are you so intent on your own will that you would destroy the one person closest to you?" one of the new voices snarled.

     Silence from Clow.

     Was I to take that to be a yes? I felt myself twitch a few times, the fall still, and I could think no longer.


End file.
